Better Off Dead

What my luck seems to be

2009-03-09T02:02:00.000-07:00

I finally found a girl and then it turns she decides to move on for no reason. Things were going great and then a new roommate came into the picture and I was out. I was told it was it was because I was jealous. Not that she was spending time with him. I wish I didnt love her. I wish it didnt hurt.

Dont Blink

2009-01-06T20:35:00.000-08:00

Time is a fleeting thing. Constantly in motion and never on my side. For a bit everything was going great moving smoothly. Then the hick-up. She suddenly starts to have fears and worries. Is it to simple for life to be easy for me? Maybe things will work out for a change.

A Strange Turn Of Events

2008-12-13T16:36:00.001-08:00

I have found out that my friends were right if I try the world will not stop turning. In fact it can be rather nice. For the first time in over four years I have found someone who makes me happy. Everything is still new and we are taking things slow. It is just odd how with this new person everything just seems to move so easily. I hope and that is new.

Life and Randomness

2008-11-11T19:15:00.000-08:00

Having feelings for you for so long but still the wonder of does she feel the same? And then a new girl, do I try or wait and see if something could be between us? I know you, your mind, your heart but whether yours feels the same as mine I haven't a clue. No knowing the wonder of could I be that guy for you? Should I stop these thoughts? Should I try with someone new or is that when you will make your move?

seeing if this will work

2008-09-28T19:20:00.000-07:00

I am writing this with my phone and just trying ro see if I might be able to make this work. Tonight I want to tell her. I need to ask her if for nothing else then for my own sanity. I know she likes someone I just hope it may be me but I fear that the answer is no.

A letter to you

2008-09-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

It feels like I have known you forever but I find new things everyday that seem to add more to the wonderfulness that is you. I always seem to lose the moment forget the words or simple watch you get in your car. You are brilliant. It is rare for me to find anyone that can keep up with my mind but somehow you do. You have a wall to protect you and hold you strong but I have seen through it. I have seen the gap and have made my way through to find the true beauty that is your heart. You make me happy, after a phone call where your just asking a simple question I have had a brighter day. Everyone see it the change. You make me want to be better and hopefully someday I could be the man that you deserve.

Trying to be more frequent

2008-09-17T23:51:00.000-07:00

Well this is suppose to help me figure things out with my life. My life has turned from something that I could say was planned, into this uncertain heep. I have been having feelings for a certain someone for a while now and I just seem to keep losing the nerve to talk to her about the one thing that I wish to say. We have had all types of conversations about everything that I can imagine but I have been unable to tell her that I like her, although I doubt that she is blind to it, heck I think the entire mall knows that I like her. She is one of those women that it is easy to fall for. She acts as if a wall surounds her but is fluff. She is one of the few girls I can have a conversation about almost anything and have her understand and contribute. I am going to tell her or ask her out soon. I will. I have to, I dont want to be alone and I could see us together. heres to hope.

Another Day Down

2008-07-24T02:17:00.000-07:00

There is always this constant theme in my blogs, the fact that women and me seem to be on two different paths, or at least they see the fork that approaches and with out me taking the steps forward find the bend. I have to realize that I need to say the words and take the steps or they will never stay.

The fear

2008-06-07T23:37:00.000-07:00

Today I saw one of my best friends get married. The list of single friends in my group besides me is one and he seem sto constantly have a girl friend. Why can't I even find a date? Sometimes the thoughts of always being a lone get to be too much. I need love. I need that special someone that completes my life and my heart. Where is she and why cant I find her?

Needing to take a stand

2008-05-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

Life has been passing me by because of the courage I seem to lack when it comes to women. I seem to sit and wait and think that if they want to date me they will ask. The timing is never right. I deserve happiness. I deserve love. So why do I keep it at bay when I find someone it could be? Why do I think I dont deserve to be happy?

2007-12-05T15:07:00.000-08:00

Okay so I have come to terms that it is me that has been sabotaging things with women and life. I have been trying to figure out why I dont think I deserve happiness, but I know I want it. I need to start fighting for myself as much as I would for someone I care about. Being selfless has gotten me to where I am now and it isnt where I really want to be. I want love. I want success. I want happiness.

2007-11-29T01:07:00.000-08:00

What is the part of my brain that doesnt want me to be happy? Why do I seem to be falling in to this constant cycle of not taking chances, and thinking that I will always fail? How can I fix this?

2007-11-27T17:56:00.001-08:00

The world moves along faster then most can type and so we are always playing catch up. Our hero has never been one of the smooth take the town by night leaving a trail of women in his wake. He is trying to just find his own little piece of this world and the part that will have him in it.

He has been having trouble with women lots will she him as friends but only a few will ever see him as anything more and it is usually after he has moved far away.

A few months back when he started working at the game store he came across a beautiful girl who worked next door, and of course as fate or whatever would have it, she was hired on for a few weeks. You see she was getting ready to move down to San Diego and go to college and be a biology major. Yes beauty, brain, and heart. On a day when Tim was at his worst she was there trying her best to bring him back up.

She up and went to school, off to be the better she could be. Oh well our hero is alone with the thoughts of something that never was but could have been.

Halloween or rather the weekend before, out for a walk and running into an old friend inviting into a bar for costumes and fun and running into more then just one random soul. Walking up to the bar to get a soda, yes a soda, our hero doesn't drink. At the end of the bar was a guy who had left town about six months before and had literally been in town about two hours. Shot the shit in time to turn around and standing in the corner with a huge smile was Melissa. Running up and gave Tim a huge hug. They spent the night talking, danced a little, a flirted the night away. She was back to San Diego in a day and was trying to get Tim to ditch work to spend the day together. But how could a hero do that and with a heavy sigh he went to work.

With that being the main thing our hero did. Get up go to work, go home, go to work, and so on and so on. Black Friday, the worst day in the whole year to work retail, but this year it wasn't so bad. Melissa was in town and came to work. Only there a few hour but time is time. After her leaving she forgot something and called Tim to see if he could bring it out to her. As he handed it through the open passenger window she asked if he wanted to go for a ride he just smiled and asked if she was doing anything that night unsure but the moment he walked out from the mall that eventing his phone rang. What does it mean when a girl will touch your tongue ring twice in one day? We spent the evening at a local bar with more talking and more flirting ending with me driving her and her friends home and Melissa giving me a huge hug again and lingered. She invited Tim to San Diego for her birthday on Thursday but knowing our hero he will call and wait for her to return in December.

2007-10-16T00:37:00.001-07:00

Life is full of change and it tries its best to give us thrills and adventure around every bend. There are time that we forget or fail to see the path laid out before us.

Yesterday Taylor called Tim asking him to go for a walk with her and her cousin Amber. Being that Taylor was the girl Tim had a crush on for the last year and had again failed at making his feeling clear or even know she went out and got a boyfriend. A sleaze named Christian who's last girlfriend broke up with him because he turned into a stalker and was following her around town convinced that she was cheating even though she wasn't. They have been dating a few months now and in that time Taylor and Tim have had very few days to talk and fill one another in on the events in their lives.

Tim had previously told Taylor about Dorthy and how he wanted to tell her about his feelings, so this time around Taylor asked him,
"You tell her yet that you like her?"
"Nope, when it come to telling a girl I like my feelings, I am a complete failure at it."
"I dont think your a complete failure."
"No trust me complete failure."
"Tim I don't believe that you are a complete failure at it."

So the question begs, did she know of his feelings? Did she know of his intent and just not share it so said nothing? Or is he really that bad at expressing it that she has totally no clue?

A funny side note a few weeks back Chris, Taylor's mother was shooting at her with an air soft gun. Taylor yelled for help and instead of yelling for Christian she yelled, "Help Tim!!" That had to help the old ego for Christian when your girlfriend calls out another mans name to protect her.

2007-10-14T10:30:00.000-07:00

And more on the continuing adventures of our hero Tim. Tim has never been one that the universe lined up and handed him him anything. He has been one that has had to fight up hill both ways. With our hero with the over active hero complex love has always been the most precious and is the one thing that seems to keep at arms reach from him.

With his current adventures with Dorthy it seems that timing and deciphering what she means before it is too late has to be his current problem. When he asks her out to the movies she brings friends, he asks he to dinner for a friends birthday and she has to work which is followed by a text message where she wants to call in sick. If our hero was quicker in the ways of women he might have caught that before she was two hours before her shift ended.

Remember one thing hero, as the dark night grows thunderous there is a light at the end.

Music Meme

2007-10-08T01:57:00.000-07:00

What music are you currently grooving to?

Right now it would be Tim McGraw a place in the sun cd

What, if push comes to shove, is your all-time favorite album?
Beautiful Freak by the Eels

What was the first record you ever bought? And where did you buy it?
Monkees pool it

Which musician have you ever wanted to be?
I never wanted to be anyone in particular by wouldnt mind being a singer

What do you sing in the shower?
yes I do

What is your favorite Saturday night record?
My Zune on random

And your Sunday morning record?
same thing

Another One Over

2007-10-02T14:46:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness that it is now October. September has been a moth of pains and worries for the last I dont know how many years. This year my problems came from the cops and my jeep. They towed it because they wanted to. The cop that towed it took off my license plate so he could tow it.They were telling me that it was abandoned because it had no plate so that is the reason why they towed it. It cost me 300 to get my jeep back. They wanted me to file a claim that my plates were stolen, I didn't and now I have to file a complaint, and why do people hate cops?

Feast One Hundred and Sixty

2007-09-14T23:59:00.000-07:00

September 14th, 2007 | Category: The Feasts, 2007

Appetizer
When was the last time you visited a hospital?

For myself I havent been there in over 12 years

Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how ambitious are you?

I would like to say 7

Salad
Make a sentence using the letters of a body part. (Example: (mouth) My other ukelele tings healthily.)

SHIN she has interesting notions

Main Course
If you were to start a club, what would the subject matter be, and what would you name it?

friends no more

Dessert
What color is the carpet/flooring in your home?

off white

What I Need To Say

2007-09-10T01:25:00.002-07:00

Tired of the confusion, tired of always being looked over for the next guy, the jerk , the ass, the guy who says he will call but never does. The guys who cheat, lie, will stand there bold faced and break your heart. The nice guy is here, attractive, smart, loyal, caring, trustworthy. A bit of a bad ass when the time calls for it. Can handle the situation if some other jackass wont back down. May not have a six pack, may not have tons of money but he does have two very important things, heart and potential. He acts with morals and ethics and has a bit of a hero complex and watches out for those he cares about. He is looking at starting two companies and even if he never makes a million dollars he does what he loves and is happy for it. Has great possibilities for unusual and wonderful experiences. So the only question left is will you take the chance? Will you see if you can love him? Could he be the one? Could you?

Well Here I Go Again

2007-09-08T20:48:00.000-07:00

And another adventure staring our hero Tim begins with a goodbye. But as we all know when a door closes one opens. He was saying goodbye to an old friend who was moving away and throwing himself a going away party. About half way through was when she showed up. Closing the sliding glass door, dressed in a tight, short, black dress, she turned and walked toward him. "Do you know where the man of honor is?" she asked him which he replied with a simple "Right here." She turned and gave him a welcoming hug then turned back toward Tim. "Do you know where I can put these?" she asked him referring to two bottles of champagne that she was holding. " Right this way" he said as he helped her with one of the bottles, and lead her to one of five coolers, he placed the bottles inside and started to stand only to have his knee kicked out from under him by his friend Steve "Go talk to her man." "I was" he replied as he started to stand back up.

He followed her back around to a set of chair. They shared through the introductions, the flirting, the banter, she got up more then one and always returned. Hours later when the night was coming to an end he gave her his number and said how "we have to go out sometime for coffee or something." Were she replied how she only text messages, where Tim replied how he texts all the time, it probably came out as cheesy and corny as it sounds here. As Tim was leaving he thought "I gave her my number but I didn't get hers, she'll call right? She was interested, she did keep coming back, she'll call." Two days passed where he told his friends of this beautiful, magnificent, intelligent woman. When pictures of the evening showed up on the friends myspace page and he was able to show proof, and the response was "she is not calling" They got him to call his friend to get her number and Tim remeber how she said she texts, so he text,
"I was wondering if you free on Friday?"
"May go see Superbad why whats up?"
"wondering if you wanted to do something"
"Want to go with us?"

Looking back this may have been the point where things went wrong, Tim should have suggested something with just the two of us, instead of a group thing where she is surrounded by friends, but that is the greatest thing about hind sight, you can look back and see thing from more then just the angle you are looking at. Super bad got canceled because Dorthy didn't get off of work until after the last showing started, so Tim offered her another night but Dorthy was unsure about her schedule and couldn't commit to a day.
"Well another time" Tim replied.
When Friday came around he got a message.
"You want to go to Meatball Magic tonight"

She had messaged him, asking him out. He had no clue what the night might bring but she had asked him. In the end she was late over an hour, the club was a gay bar and the date involved her friends. Okay maybe she wanted to get her friends input before committing to a date, or a what do you thing. On Tuesday she messaged him asking him to go to the movies but he had to work and then on Thursday she messaged.
"You coming tomorrow?"
"Where and when?"
"Same place as last time about 9:30"
"Sounds good"

9:30 turned in to 10:30 and that to about 11. Se never said anything about anybody else, will she be alone? Could this be a date? Does she like me? She has to right call me this much right?
And then she walked through the door, wearing the same wonderful black dress that she wore the night they met, and behind her was another guy. "Hey Tim" she said with a large smile leaning forward to give him a hug. " This is my friend Jeremy" and there it was another friend who was there for the evening. Wonderful how was he suppose to take her out if they were never alone? As the evening went on Jeremy was a very cool guy and Tim was sure that they could be cool friends. At one point this army reject walked up to Dorthy and said "You like money"
"Excuse me!?!"

"Your Asian, your into that sort of thing, come check out my car" as he walked to the door all three followed to look at some newer model Mercedes. They went back to the bar and the seating order was Tim, Dorthy, and the jerk. They guy was trying to tell her some stupid thing about tis or that and she turns to Tim and says in a very ticked off voice "I am going to the can" and turns and walks off. Asshole at this point leans off and says to Tim "She is smokin" "Yeah I know" and a look that follow was one that told the guy I will not back down and I can take you in a fight. He blinked and turned to Jeremy,"So you gay or bi?" "No man I am straight""Oh cool man I hear ya" and the thought of having to kick his ass from coming on to anybody arose in Tim's mind.

A few minutes later when Dorthy returned taking her seat again she turned to Tim and said "It is getting cold in here" Tim wearing a open button up shirt and one under neath took off the button and put it around her shoulders. Leaning in she whispered "Thanks but be careful he might try to jump you or something." "After years of self defense classes I have nothing to worry about from him." Tim looking back up at the jerk and couldn't help but laugh. Butt face realizing that no one was talking to him got up and walked out of the bar leaving the three to further make fun of him.

By the end of the evening at the bar Tim had saved Jeremy form doing a few stupid drunk things and stared and smiled with Dorthy. When the bar closed she suggested Taco Bell and Tim followed her as she drove ahead. The only thin open at that time of night is te drive through so when they were all done ordering they pulled over and Tim got into the back seat while they were in the front laughing and telling stories from each past. As Dorthy's eyes were crawling shut she said how she needed to go to sleep. Biding them all a good night and giving Dorthy a hug Tim got back into his car and drove home. On the drive home one thought was playing through his mind, "Fuck!!! I'm in the friends category again!"

Following Tish

2007-09-03T01:19:00.000-07:00

Where is your cell phone? hip
Relationship? hopeful
Your hair? messy
Work? cool
Your sister? a pain
Your favorite thing? friends
Your dream last night? weird
Your favorite drink? water
Your dream car? delorean
The room you’re in? crowded
Your Shoes? off
Your fears? something just isnt right
What do you want to be in 10 years? Happy
Who did you hang out with this weekend? Dorthy to start it off right
What are you not good at? asking for help
Muffin? blueberry
One of your wish list items? Love
Where you grew up? Hanford
Last thing you did? played video games
What are you wearing? Clothes
What aren’t you wearing? nothing
Your pet? not mine
Your computer? cool
Your life? is getting better
Your mood? hopeful
Missing? contentment
What are you thinking about right now? Her
Your car? broken
Your kitchen? dark
Your summer? almost over
Your favorite color? midnight blue
Last time you laughed? a few hours
Last time you cried? been a while
School? going back
Love? I hope

Here We Go Again

2007-09-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

Yup it is that wonderful time of the year, September. For the last oh countless years september has been a month full of different crap and heart ache. Lets see my ex dumped me after seven years, was laid off and told that I was her best friend by a different girl. It has just seemed that this month is one that laves me with crap to clean up for next year.

Last night I had a date with a girl I really like. It was more for her a chance to let me meet her friends and see what they think of me. I had alot of fun but would have been more happy if it had just been the two of us. We'll just have to see what happens next

Another Day Another Time

2007-08-30T16:57:00.000-07:00

I think the universe is starting to find it's way back into line. I have had this feeling that things have been off . Went to a friends going away party and met an amazing girl. Not only is she amazingly beautiful, intelligent, and have morals and values. We were suppose to go out tomorrow but she cant get out of work. We text back and forth, I just refuse to end up in the friends category again.

Monday Melee for 8/27/08

2007-08-27T20:40:00.000-07:00

1. The Misanthropic: Name something (about humanity) that you absolutely hate.
The fear of rejection, the fear is ten times worse the the actual rejection.

2. The Meritricious: Expose someone or something that’s phony, fraudulent, or bogus. My neighbors boyfriend, he is a creep and a stalker

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with. I am unhappy with my throwout bearing for my jeep's clutch. It has been replaced but still doesn't work

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can. Thank you Steve and Roo for making me get Dorthy's number from Levi

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it. I am a kind person

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for. I wish for a girlfriend

Fours

2007-08-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

4 jobs I’ve had:

Theater Tech
TV Producer
Construction
Video Game sales

4 films I could watch over and over:

The Princess Bride
Back To The Future
Star Wars (Original)
Shawn Of The Dead

4 Places I have lived:

Hanford, Ca
Sevierville, Tn
Land O'Lakes, Fl
Pompano Beach, Fl

4 Favorite TV shows:

Smallville
Doctor Who
Burn Notice
Monk

4 Favorite Foods:

Pasta
Shrimp
Chinese
Mexican food

4 Websites I visit everyday:

Myspace
Yahoo
Hotmail
Iwon

4 Places I would love to be:

In a theater
at the beach
florida
a sleep

4 Favorite Colors:

midnight blue
hot pink
black
moss green

4 Names I love but would/could not use for my children:

Cameron
Scarlett
Clark
Bruce